I will crash through dungeons, Hunting for all of your monsters Honest, I have lived through countless horrors, I have lived my life in honour Follow all your rules and guides, I will never be surprised I can Look in basilisk eyes, and blow a mindflayers mind My stats are rolled so perfect, I am offering my service To the lowly people that we meet, no beasts, I make them nervous My many deeds are known to be the root of all my power As I quest for XP, press adeptly, less a medley more devour As I roll initiative, my swift disposition is to Close on your position, kill and split like cell division Let's see how a copper scaled dragon, answers to my broad sword You think I wont back flip off this sarcophagus, of course And do a triple, double front flip, plunging deep my blade of flames And cast a third level fireball to haul him to his grave OK, so tell me dungeon master, what kind of roll you after? Two D Twenty's both 1's, what a whole disaster I just came to wreck the dungeons, I have played for many years But it seems I can't stop dying, why am I reduced to tears I have been so many races, put me in the hall of fame I have had so many faces, but they all end up the same I will die upon my sword, spill my blood on hallowed ground So I'm only level 3, you're sounding kinda judge-y, wow People tell me, take it easy, D&D is just for fun It's not my fault, I keep on dying, maybe this whole dungeons dumb Doesn't matter, mage or monk, my tale was sung by pages 1 Barbarian will rage quit, who knew sewer rats were dangerous I'm feeling jaded, of course I'm blaming the dungeon master But after I cross examined, other candidates, retracted And in fact it's a little more likely that the problem is The guy rolling the dice, is a tiny bit incompetent Opulent in optimism, driven by my need to be The hero people see to be, but ends up failing miserably Judging by my history, the only time they'd call my name Is if the village furnace was low, and needed bodies for the flames In fact, one time rescuing a kitty from a tree I rolled a three, snapped a branch and plummeted three feet Hit my knee and broke my femur on the boulder beneath Angered a hive of bees who descended as I screamed Barely surviving as the wolves came in threes after me I survived the encounter but was eaten by the fleas I just came to wreck the dungeons, I have played for many years But it seems I can't stop dying, why am I reduced to tears I have been so many races, put me in the hall of fame I have had so many faces, but they all end up the same I will die upon my sword, spill my blood on hallowed ground So I'm only level 3, you're sounding kinda judge-y, wow People tell me, take it easy, D&D is just for fun It's not my fault, I keep on dying, this whole dungeons dumb I just came to wreck the dungeons, plundering the treasures deep Measure of my pleasure comes from whether I end up deceased I'm enlightened by critique, leaping into dungeons deep These encounters they repeat, so frequent they put me to sleep So call me weak, I'm into story driven types of narrative Embarrassing, this dimly lit hovel that you have us in The cobblestone caverns filled with all types of ravenous Goblins or wolves and other things I can imagine it Barrel through the depths, getting braver just a little bit Until we reach the end boss, but it's a dragon isn't it? These tales are getting infamous for being just a little shit But I have just the supplement, something of a better fit Maybe I could take the reigns, and instead of being armour clad I could make an army of horrid hags on tiger backs A siege of a mythical castle, atop mossy bricks Until you find the king wizard, now payback is a bitch