Saw you hanging by your handle Near a candle On a Christmas tree So I stood upon a table Read the label And it said look up and see the fairy And the fairy said "Reach up, be strong With he-men you belong No more will ladies jeer And I wish you a very masculine new year" When I held you up against me I was immensely Impressed by your resistance to my pressure on your spring. Life has never been sweeter Since your meter Gave the reading that soon I'd be the man with everything You've made mountains of my molehills You've sent ripples round my thighs Yes, you're my kind of isometric exercise