If I'm being honest, I think about the belt in my closet way too often I dream as though the blade of the reaper is hanging over me, if I'm being honest You didn't ask for all this information But it's been stuck in my throat for so long I've made myself sick choking on it If I'm being honest If I'm being honest And I am And I am If I'm being honest, I fear sometimes I won't make it to age 45 Sometimes I wonder if I was doomed from the moment I was born, if I'm being honest I don't expect you to have all the answers I'm not a broken thing you need to fix But I'm tired of saying, "it is what it is" If I'm being honest If I'm being honest And I am And I am I'm not trying to find a parent, lover or friend to point the finger at The damage is done and I want to be okay with that But there's still a little sliver of hurt and rage stuck in my veins If I'm being honest And I am If I'm being honest and I am And I am And I am