I'm pessimistic and ambitious, I'm too hard on myself Been having issues fucking dealing with the cards I was dealt I'm fucking hungry for a plate, bro ill be arming myself I'm fucking starving, accolades, oh yeah I got them myself Cause I took the chance you slept on and used it to my advantage Giving you a chance is dead wrong, cause you just took advantage I'm advancing towards 6 figure advances from Atlantic And the plan is, to run the fucking game till I can't stand it 600 views for her and now I'm feeling alone 400 views on FEAR is only part of my goal I'm a 19 year old rapper making minimum wage I gave you minuscule effort so it was minimal pain I wish I could say it's different But I'm tired of lying I'm tired of trying Retire my silence I'm striving for better And acquiring less It's like the harder I fight The more knives in my chest I wish that I could set fire to stress And smoke it away Like a joint to the face I don't care what y'all doing I'm in my personal lane I don't care what you think of me, I heard what you said I read every single comment, sometimes it gets in my head Like I wonder if they hate me as a man or just the just the thoughts I produce Part of my problem is I'm still talking to you But when I feel lost you always know what to do So even when the timing isn't right I'm running to you I've always been codependent Even when we're slowly drifting I always hope it lasts forever That ain't really realistic Just cause my glass ain't empty Doesn't mean it's optimism Majority of choices Never went how I predicted I lose or I win, I'm going where the latter is But I don't fit the criteria of what a new rapper is Half the friends I've had, I wouldn't count as advocates I never gave a f*ck, as if I never even had a dick But you want me to care You want me to scream and shout that I will always be here You don't want me to tell you, in a part of me, there's A promise I made that I vowed to solemnly swear Whatever my goals, I gotta go put all of me in it I'm sorry I changed, I know that I promised I wouldn't I'm sorry for pain, I know I've been distant Probably I'm tripping So I guess this my written apology, I hope that you'll get it